Tuesday, April 30th, 2002
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8:51 pm
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heres one thing that i just dont get.. why do guys like to play with emotions?!?
dont they know that someone always gets hurt?
GRRR...
and it also makes me mad that i cant find a guy to call my own.. ive been dating for a while and i still cant find a guy
i relaize that there is no such thing as a perfect man..well i think i had one.. his name was christian.. but i let him get away.
i dont know what is going to happen with me and ryan.
it seems like everytime i get in a relationship, i always get hurt
::cries::
why cant i just find someone for me?
am i really fat and ugly?
thas how i feel.. i mean why cant i keep a guy? whats wrong with me? i can feel myself getin depressed.. i dont even want to remeber what happened last time i got depressed..
i dont want that to happen again..
but i am starting to feel the same way i did when i was gettin depressed.
i need to talk to some one and i need to find some one to call my own..someone who wont cheat on me or use me or abuse me. and i miss my friend meegie..
::cries:: ::cries:: ::cries:: ::cries:: ::cries::
current mood:  depressed
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Saturday, April 27th, 2002
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10:17 am
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ok well i just woke up like an hour or mayb 2 ago. but n e wayz i took a shower and i am out and i am getting all of the songs that i wanted, and thas always a plus. ok well i am still bored. but i dunno what t o do. ok well the day is still early and i guess i cans till make plans. majn i forgot that i even was writing this. okw ell it is now like 12 in the afternoon. ok well i dont know where my mom is. n e ways.. after she picks me up i hope that she takes me to the "golden arches".. man i am so hungry... la la la la la la la
as of right now i a downloading a song by SIR DYNO called "THE CHOLA"
well thas all thats all that i have to say. i guess il try talking to u guys alter. peace out.
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Friday, April 26th, 2002
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11:44 pm
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ok well it is like eleven o' clock at night and i am still at my aunties house and i am still bored. but tahs ok because i just talked to randy and he said that he would burn the songs off of the computer for me. so that makes me happy. randy is outside withs ome friends right now. i dunno who they are. andmy auntie jane is in the dinig room trying to balance her checkbook. and i thinkmy uncle david is trying to get some sleep. my cousin aaron is in teh front room trying to watcht elevision. and joshie is in his room. he got in trouble for talking bak to my auntie and taking off his pamper a numerous amount of times. ok well the a s for me i am at the computer and i am just typing away because i am bored. man i am ot used to staying in silver lake. i mean in the "town" part of silver lake if thas even what you can call it. ok well like i said before i am just at the compuer typing because i said i was bored. i dunno waht else to say or do.. all i can hear right now is my cousin aaron whinning about something. ok well i ahve like about another thousand more songs to go then i can finally call it quits for the night. ok well did i already mention how extremly bored i am. but thas ok because i am getting paid for being bored. i really hope that these songs do hurry up. i dont think that i am making any sense right now. and thas ok becsue i dont really care. i am just typing to be doing something. i think i hear some girls outside and it is driving me crazy becasue they are doing the like kinds flurty laff.. u kno the laf.. the kind of laf prep girls get when the meet a cute guy and try to laf so it sounds cute and not like a horse.. u kno the one annoying laf. ok well it is about to drive me up the wall! guess what all!!!
i am downloading the song that megan and i both love!
SOUTH PARK MEXICAN..PASS THE KILLA!!!!!!!!!!!
YAYA
megan told me that she loved that song so i am downloading it so that she and i can listen to it. but teh song is taking forever to download. grr.. its making me mad. like you can tell but i was jsut leaning back in teh computer chair and i like fell asleep for like 5 minutes. man it was weird. ok well yea let me tell you about teh dream that i had like last night..
ok well its not much but in teh dream i dremt that i went to ryans hosue and i knocked on the door but o one anwered so i went into his hoiuse and i looked in his rooma nd i found him in bed with another girl. was that my subconcious trying to tell em somthing or was that just me. becuse even if they dont, i think that every guy i am with is like cheating on me.. even tho he might not be. ok well i dunno whay that dream was suppose to mean, and i am ot really sure that i really want to know.
ok well since that is over let me tell you ythis.. right ow i am listening to a song by tim mcgraw..it is called dont take the girl.. i like the song and sometimes it even makes me cry. but shhh.. dont tell ne one. ok well lets see.. i like a lot of diferant kinds of music. i like spanish, cumbias, slasa,merengue,latino rap, black rap, some rock..not too much heavy metal.. i like alternative and punk is cool.
my eyes are gtting heavy ow. but my songs arent finished downloading. so i think that i am going to probably look like i am forty by tomorrow i still have some songs that i need to finish downloading first before i even consider to close my eyes again. i really have no idea what i want to do when i get out of school.. am i the only one? i like ryan but will it last or will it end up like the countless other? is it me or what? am i like defective or something? why cant i just stay in one relationship and like be happy? is ther someone out tehr forme? will i ever get married and will i ever have kids? will i even get to have kids? if so then how many would i have? those are just some of the questions that are going through my head right now.
ok well thas all i have to say right now.. but i might be on later tonight. who knows what will happen?
ok wel til tehn partna'
ill check y'all later
Angel
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10:12 pm
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ok well it seems like it ahs been a long time since i last typed. but since then i have been having so much fun.
okw ell lets see what all has been going on..
okw ell on 420 i someked so much. i dont think i ever smoked that nuch ever in my life. i smoked with my bestest frien din the world. her name is Megan or meegie or shmeegs and im sure tyhat she has other names that i dont kno about. ok well tehn umm after we were done amokin.. it was like umm 11 or 12 at night when she dropped me off at ryans house (ryan is my b/f) ok well ryan and i didnt get to bed until like 5 in the morning. o yea.. and iw as with his cousin too. it was like a 3some type of thing. okw ell tehn sonday came and i just went home. okw ell then i went to school. u know school is school. exept today we hasd an assembly.. Meegie, you would of loved it. it was lkike some people from our schoola dn some others and their bands. it was like all alternative and punk music. one fo the bands even growled. o man meegie, i wish you were there. i know for a fact that you would of liked it. ok well then i know thatr there are hella partiews goin on.. but i am at my aunties house where i am sitting my cousins Joshua and Aaron. Aaron is a little terd but josh is cool. ok well i am suppose to get releived of my sittind duties at Noon tomorrow. and i am also suppose to be having randy ( my brother ) burn me a cd. but i dununo if that will happen. i hope that he will do it. i am doenloadiong a lot of mexican rappers and like some other type of music like cumbias and shit like that. ok well like i said before..a s for tomorrow i have like no clue as to what i am going to be doing. but whatever it is i hope that it includes like alchol.. b/c i kinda feel like partyin anbd like mayb doin some other shit. but who knows.. i wonder if i will get ne dick this weekend? grr.. i hate not knowing what i am doing.. all i know is that i hope that randy really burns these songs off of the computer for me. i am like downloading like 20 songs. i think he will. okw ell thas like all i really have to say.
p.s.- THANKS SO MUCH MEEGIE FOR MAKING MY 420 SO MEMORABLE!!!
I LOVE YA AND U KNOW I ALWAYS WILL. DONT FORGET TO CALL ME THIS WEEKEND!!
current mood:  anxious
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Wednesday, April 17th, 2002
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4:27 pm
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dang!!!
its been such a long as time since i wrote in my journal. life at Seamen is going ok. I have a new b/f.. his name is Ryan.
ok well it seems like my life is like a prty that just never ends. the last weekend i tried thses seeds that make u trip heavier than shrooms do. it was hte shit. all i can remeber is that i wanted to stay in the bathroom b/c in the bathroom was where everything weird would happen.. like i would trip most in the bathroom. all i can say is that it was good.
ok well i have been trying to get a hold of my friend Megan.. but it seems like everytime i try to call her she is never there. it makes me SAD :*( b/c i miss her.
and this saturday is 420!!!
theres going to be a couple parties at Perry. i told mymom taht i am going to go ccamping this weekend.. but i plan to get drunk as fuck and high as Hell!!
so its pretty much what i do every weekend. Meegie.. we nwwd to kickit so u can see how crazy i get.
meegs, if you read this then PLEASE call me.
ok well i am out.
talk to u later.
Angel
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Wednesday, February 27th, 2002
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7:55 pm
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ok well man i know that it has been a long time since i have written but i have just been eay to busy. i miss some of my frinds from SL..the GOOD ones like MEEGIE. i have ben having dreams about her lately. they have been good dreams..man i hope that i get to see her some time. i know tat i keep saying "yea i hope we dont lose touch" but the truth is hat i am scard that her and i are. i am real scared that yher and i are losing touch. she is one of my best friends EVER! i mean friends like tat dont just come around everyday. a person is lucky if a person like her comes along ONCE in a LIFETIME. i just miss the old days.. like how it used to be.. just her and i like together like all of the time.. all we would do was like SMOKE THE GANJA and just go around to cruise and if it was summer time we would go and swim at her house. i dunno why i am thinking about her so much but i am. i guess i just really mis her. i soooo to GOD hope that we stay friends FOREVER!!! i know that i havent been doing a good job lately about keepin in touch wither her or anything.. but everytime i get the urge to call her. i hesitate because for some strange reason i think she is mad at me. ok well i am going to have surgery next month on the 15th. thas march 15.. im scared. hte doctors say that both of my ovaries are enlarged and they believe that i have a tumor in both of them.. they said i might have to be i the hospital for up to 3 days..depending on the how bad the tumors are.. although please let me stress... the doctors have said that they believe the tumors to b non cancerous. thank GOD... but u know i got to do what i got to do. ok well to end this on a ligher note.. i met this boi named CHRISTIAN.. i dunno if i have ever talked abouot him or not...we were having problems in hte past but i guess that we kinda worked them out. so he and i are supposed to be going out tomorrow and possibly friday.
ok well thas all that i have to tell
talk to ya guys later..
Angel
p.s- i "heart" you MEEGIE!!
current mood: glad to have friends
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Monday, February 11th, 2002
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6:05 am
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ok well todai at school was ok. umm.. i think i am going to try shroom this weekend. i mean for cryin outloud i live right next to a cow pasture and i have some friends that are going to come over later and they are going to help me look for some shrooms. ok well then other than that.....
MEEGIE i went to SL the other sai for my aunt Michelles boirthday and then i had to make a quick run where to Wehners where is aw Nathan and he told me that u told him to tell me if u didnt tell me first that he found out the name to that song that was playin in Hot Topic that one daii ...I wannna sit on ur FFFFFFAAAAAAACCCCCEEEEEEE.....::growls the lyrics:: he said it is by THE LORDS OF ACID..and he said he thought it was called "Come here dear and fuck me up the rear" (thas what he told me)ok well and then i talked to Austin and he told me that he is grounded for like 2 months because he said that his mom found his "stash" man that sux.
ok well thas all that happened right now. i will try ro get back to my journal when something more exciting happens.
talk to ya'll later,
Angel
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Saturday, February 9th, 2002
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12:43 am
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ok well last night was fun. mel and i got the beer and the liq. and then we went crusin. then we saw this one gui she knew, and then we went to go and chill with him, it was a fun night. ok well i dunno what we r gooing to do todai so i am going to wait for her to call me so i can see hwat we r gonna do or even if we are going to do ne thing.
ok well thas all i have to say for now.
o yea jnad last night i saw Rome a thte gas station. he was lookin extra FINE that night..he has the most beautiful eyes!!
*purr* hes so sexi!!
ok well thas about tit so i think that i will go to my room and start gettin ready just in case we do decide to go out and get drunk again..i dunno.
talk to ya guis later
angel
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Sunday, February 3rd, 2002
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10:13 am
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ok well lets see what has been going on so far....
hmm..
FRIDAY- melissa and i went out i bought us some liquor.. i git 3 40s and a bottle of HOT DAMN.and i also brought some weed and we did that too.
so i got drunk after drinkin as much as i do and then i puked in her car, but we cleaned it up. she said i passed out..and i prob. did. anyways we just went home..i stayed the night at her house.
SATURDAY- melisa and i went to go and help out for the special olympics..she does stuff like that so i helped her. then she took me home so i could take a shower at about 4. then we had liquor left over from the night b4. and i drank that and i started to get drunk. then we went to dotties house (thas yoyos auntie) and there was these 2 lesbians there from colorado. they were awsome. they let me drink their beer. and then dottie and this other girl named melissa tried to get me and melissa to go to AZTECA with them. to make a long story short i was sittin on the couch w/ yoyo and then i got a feeling so i ran outside and puked. some guys must find girls pukin attractive b/c i had htese guiys tryin to holler at me while i was throwin up.. i was thinkin to myself that i DID NOT want to talk at that time.. ne wayz melissa and i left there and then Christian called her on her cell... so we went to go and pick him up and he and i got in the backseat. all we did was kiss,and we did a little touching. and hten it was like 11:30 or so and we dropped him off and then i was tellin mel what was goin on in hewr backseat and she started to laf at me...hmm..then i woke up and i was sooooooooo sore and i still am..but its b/c i was like in a funky position in the backseat and theres not really a lot of room there so we were like kissin in crazy positions.. well actually it was just me.. my neck is sore and so r my legs and thighs cuz i was like havin to stretch. ok well then she dropped me off at home where i passed out and awoke the next morning...
SUNDAY- the "family" went to go look for a dog..we r getting a Great Dame. so we did that ubtil like 4. then we went to my uncle jrs house in SL and watched the super bowl there cuz he was havin a super bowl party. then we just got home right now..
and thas all that happened..pretty interesting, huh..yea riiigghhhtt....
Later Fuckers <---- im jus kiddin'
Angel
p.s- my side is starting to hurt again..and i have a doctors appt. tomorrow at 11 a.m.
i'll tell ya how it goes later.
current mood: sore
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Wednesday, January 30th, 2002
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3:29 am
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AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Im going out off my mind here. i have this friend that i really like but i dont know how to tell them that i like them. it is kinda weird that i like this friend for a couple of reasons that i dont want to get into right now. what should i do? if i do tell this friend that i have a crush on them will it end our friendship?? what will they say when i tell them that i want to be MORE than just friends? like i want to 'get to know them better' I dont know why it has taken me so long to just now realize it. how do i even bring something like that up to a friend? how do i let them know that i want to be with them? worse yet...will they think im POSING???????
i dont EVEN know why i have these feelings for THIS friend...
im goin NUTZ!!!
some one plese write back to me and tell me what i should do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
Angel
am i confused??
current mood:  confused
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Tuesday, January 29th, 2002
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10:58 pm
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DAMN...
i know that it has ben a long ass time since i have written...
ok so heres what happened since then..
Since i can buy liquor i get some for me and mel..
and then we usually just go ridin around and guys holler at us. so we give our number out. we have gotten invited to parties doin this..and sometimes we go and sometimes we dont. we smoke weed usually. umm thas pretty much all tnat happens. o yea and i found a guy that is interested in my..
his name is Christian Rodriguez. he is SEXY!!!!!
i dunno he and i talk on the phone. he calls me and ill call him. we have only kissed once. and it wasnt sloppy or ne thing. it was a godnight kiss and it was sooooooooo sweet and nice. i really hope that mayb this guy is for real. he likes pretty much the same things i liket o do. he is 19. hes mexican and he wants me to teach him some more english. he knows enough english to get by..he sounds so cute w/ his accent. i dunno..its just something about him.. like i said b4 i hope that we get a chance to become something.
ok well i gtg..
im about to call meegie and wake her ass up.
ttyl
love angel
current mood: curious
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Sunday, December 16th, 2001
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10:00 am
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ok well i know that it has been a long ass time since i had written but i have my reasons. but all that really happened is that i skipped work this WHOLE week and i think that i am about to get fired. and thas ok cuz thas what i was tryin to do. umm... on hte weekends me and melissa go to parties and get drunk and smoke hella weed. im glad my mom knows i drink now.. so she doesnt get pissed everytime i come home drunk. i think it would b a lot more fun if meghan comes and parties w/ us..but she doesnt call me anymore..i wonder if she still thinks of me as a friend..i dont want her and i to end up like me and sherry. that would really suck because i really love meegie w/ all my heart
i alwa7ys get drunk like at least 1 or 2 nites on the weekdays and everyday on the wekeneds. randy is datin this pretty girl named marlina. she is nice....
ok well meegie if u read this thren call me sometime PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
we can go party sometime.. and hte drinks will be on me.. u woudnly have to pay for n e thing..
ok well thas abouta ll that i think is fit to tell.
peace out ya gremlins,
Angel
current mood: hung-over
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Sunday, December 9th, 2001
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10:28 am
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meegie.. u nneed to tell me what uw ant for christmas... if u dont them im just going to buy u waht u have always wanted..
a lil pink dress w/ a pretty pink bow and flowers all over it..
hehehe..LMFAO..
call me.
Angel
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Sunday, November 25th, 2001
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2:34 pm
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ok well i know that i havent written in a long ass while but i am about to unleash like a weeks worth of stuff.
so BEWARE cuz here it goes:
ok well i cant really remeber what day it was but any ways i got home and then rick told me that Frank called..from JAIL !?!
ok and i was thinkin what the fuck did he do? then i figured that it probably had something to do with drugs. but o well. he kept callin for a couple of days and then he just stopped. i am kinda worried about him. but i mean what can i do? ok well then i'll skip to later on in the week like on the weekend. it was friday when i called meegs and asked her if she wanted to do anything with me and she said yea. so i went to go abd pick her up. she had some weed and we smoked it. i was good. okw ell then we went back to her house and we got her brother and his friend and we smoked some more. we cheeched my car out. it was awsome. ok well then i dropped her off. abd then i went home high. Thanks MEEGIE!!
ok well then on saturday i had to go to my new work for training. it was ok. anyways i was training w/ this other guy named marcus. he is pretty cool. to make a long story short, i gave him a ride to his fraternity house. he is in a fraternity called ESQUIRE.it a fraternity at topeka high. so he asked me if i wanted to go inside to meet his frat. brothers. i did. they are al so nice. ok well then i just chilled there for a while. and then i was told about a party thing they were gonna have later that night and that i should go. so i said i would. so i went home to shower up and get ready. as soon as i got home i called mel to see if she wasnted to come with me, she said she was having problems w/ michael (her ex) again. he is a fuck head. so i decided that mels prob was more important than a party. so i went to where she was and we talked for like a couple of minutes. then we decided to hit the frat party. as soon as we got there everyone was chillin. ok well i was there for a while and i drank a couple screwdrivers. then michael kept callin melissa and she was gettin mad. to make a long story short..she left and i stayed there. she was going to go kick michaels ass.. U GO GIRL! ok well then i was sitten in the party room in the party room at the frat house. and then in came a guy i used to go to school with. his name is rick easter. he was supprised to se me. he said that i got real pertty. he iused to be an ass to me when we were little. but now hes all nice and everything. he was sittin on my lap and we were jus talkin on the couch. more people were in the room so its not like anything happened. ok well then i saw mario. (he was an ex from eisenhower) and hten u kno i gave hin a hug. man i cant believe all of the feelings i still have for him. but ne ways. we were kissing most of the night. o yea and then i went into another room. they were watchin a video. it was of hte ESQUIRES strippin. it was so fuckin hilarious. it was just like a frat thing iw as told. they were in a room full of girls. it was ment to be fun. it was called the 'esquire exhibition'. they are going to have another one. and they want me to go to it. i said i would . im bringin meegs and melissa with me. okw ell the i left my car at melissa b/f house cus she and i rode together to the party. ok well when i got to his house my car was shot up w/ painball things. iw as so pissd. i kno michael did it. iw asnt even there and i dont have n e thing to do w/ him and mels relationship. ok well randy is going to beat his ass for me. so is a.j (a.k.a fluffy) and chris. and some other people. ok well then i drove home then i went to bed at like 2 in the morning. then i woke up at 8 in the morning. i decided that i was to early to be up. so i went back to sleep. i woke back up at 11. i gtook a shower got ready and i went out to buy some black and milds. hten i came home. and now i am waiting on melissa to pick me up so we can go to her b/f's house and see if michael is going to get his ass beat or what. ok well that pretty much leads u up to today since the last entry.
love y'all
Angel
p.s- y is it that i STILL like mario even after so long? i wonder if he feels the same for me? i kno hes a boy and his heart is in his pants and mine is in my chest where it is supposed to be. but o well. i just hope and pray that one day he will come around. i will wait forever if i have to just for him. he means so much to me. i love him as much as a friend could love another friend... mayb jus a lil more than a friend. but i dont love him as much as a wife loves a husband. im sorry if that makes no sence at all but thas the best way i know how to explain it.
::sigh::
im out for real. peace out
Angel
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Monday, November 12th, 2001
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4:14 pm
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ok well i called ftrank last nihgt and i was suppose to like meet hkm somewhere trodai. but as luck would have it my car battery woudnlt start, it went dead. i need to go to the library and i thinkt hat i am going to ask him to meet me at hte topeka public library. cua i need to do some research and the library is also a good place too get ur HW finished cuz its usually quiter than ur house and sometimes the library has hot people that go in there
love ya,
angel
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Sunday, November 11th, 2001
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12:02 am
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meegs call me! i drank a 40 of caMO IN Like under 10 minutes. im da bizom!
i saw lano today and he was lookin all x=tra fine today.
ok well i know i havent written in a while. thas cuz nuthin happened in a hwile. im still lookin for a job.
ok well im seein double.
Angel MorGAn
current mood: im not drunk! im BUZED! i swr!
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Thursday, November 1st, 2001
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8:12 pm
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today was ok. tomorrow i am going to go to some parties and get drunk as a a skunk. and high as a kite. at one of teh parties melissa and ia re goin to there r goin to b shrooms. i mite try some. i dunno.. gtg
angel
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Monday, October 29th, 2001
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8:37 am
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YAYA!!
Rome called me yesterdai.
actually i wasnt here so he just left a messsge on hte answering machine. he is so sexy!. ok well frank and i havent been talkin lately. i dont know what the deal w/ him is. ok but i was thinkin about ROME the other day and then he called me. man. i wish i as here to take his all..GRRRR....o well. i hope he calls sometime todai or wahtever. o yea im not ditchin school todai or n e thing. we dont have ne school todai. ok well thas about it. o yea nad my car broke yesterday on 46th. but rick is fixin it for me. hes a nice guy.
ok well gtg..
Angel..
p.s- did u kno that FLIATILLO (falay-SHE-O) is latin for blowjob?
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Saturday, October 27th, 2001
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9:04 am
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blah--blah..
ikm up w/o a hang over..YAY
last nite was so funckun fun.
angel
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Thursday, October 25th, 2001
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11:34 pm
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o yea nad todai while at htis girls b/f house i was listening to TWISTED.. i like them and then i was lilstenin to some other freaky shit. it had ICP and like a whole buch of other skary drk side people...durring a saience?? FREAKY
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